- posted: December 31 @ 12:01am
The other day I went skydiving. For you. For me. For us. I was trying to get a crown for hurling my body at a planet.
I drew a bearded man on one hand, and a Whiskerino 2009 on the other. As I prepared to leave the tiny plane, I said, “King Beard!” over and over. My eyes were on the prize. I wanted to get a picture while I was freefalling.
The problem, however, was that the photographer fell out of the plane (I'm just glad he didn't die). When I jumped, he was already long gone. So, here’s the best I can offer you today, my friends.
In any case, it took growing a beard with a bunch of guys on the Internet for me to get the courage to jump. Thank you for helping me to overcome my fears and have a friggin’ awesome time freefalling at 120 miles per hour. It was the greatest!
Sincerely, and with love,