Guys, it's been a hell of a ride. @Davis, who I went to college with but barely talked to as he was taking over my old job at the college radio station as I was getting ready to join the workforce on an internship, convinced me to do this Whiskerino thing for its last hurrah. Unsurprisingly, the most views I had on a single day was the take-a-photo-at-work day, wherein you all learned that I work at The Onion in some capacity. For some of you, I'll probably be remembered as "The Onion" guy, and for others, I'll probably be remembered as "that guy who can't quite grow a beard." You're both right. I gave it my all, and good gravy are you guys some of the coolest and least creepiest group of people one could ever imagine considering you're a pack of strangers posting pictures of your beards on the Internet. Let's stay in touch, and my Chicago beards, let's meet up.

I can't believe it's been four months. A lot has happened in these handful of weeks, a speck of dust in the long run of the earth's existence, and maybe I'll join in on Moustache May. Will I see you there?

Regardless of what the future holds, though, I'll just say this: "V" for victory. For now, I'm ghost.

CUE: GREEN DAY'S "GOOD RIDDANCE"